I wish I had no birthday cake this year

I had several plans for my birthday this year. I called it: 4 B's. But pandemic cancelled them all. Well, I actually still can work on the fourth B: (my) book. But, no. Everything swoop in a blink of an eye.

I think I don't want to celebrate my birthday this year. Or, at least have good wishes like I did last year.

A day after my first mental breakdown (finally I have to called it that way because I had terrible days and awful nights where I could crying out of nowhere--and it happened for at least four days in a row), I think my life was falling apart.

I have to live another year with my miserable life so the birthday shouldn't be celebrated, but to be mourned.

I am a person who love grand gestures. So much. My love languages are words of affirmations and receiving gifts. Imagine how happy I am on my birthday to be showered with a lot of delights in a day: genuine wishes and presents.

I do, too, love to share gifts to the one I love. Yep. I love to spoiled someone I love. I could buy someone I love out of the blue. They might have birthday every month when they're with me. I love to see them happy.

I don't think I ever imagined about this before.

Well, I didn't expect the birthday cake as much as I did last year. I, too, won't feel pleasant on my day either. This is unusual but I accept it as it is. Life changes.[]

15th October, few days before my birthday