:: muara senandika ::

I love doing the dishes. It provides me an amount of time which I could be drowning into my head and dug deep into my feelings. I could remember about something funny or something painful while squeak the sponge full of foam cleans up all the leftovers. I could rinse the coffee grounds from the cup and recalled the warm conversation about how the aunty from our village became so ill or whatever they murmured because I lost my mind thinking of something else. Sometimes my mum talking to me while I’m doing the dishes. But it’s such a distraction for me. I like it better while no one in the kitchen so I can enjoy my solitude. I love hearing the television from afar. The sound of the water streaming down the plates, the cups, the spoons. The mind. And all the stuff goes away as the water running down the pipes. We can’t bring back time. Nor the breaking things you’ve done. And you're still wondering why I didn’t love you after all this time?[]

Begitu banyak hal telah terjadi padaku sejak awal tahun 2020 ini. Tentu aku takkan menyebutkannya di sini. Terlalu panjang untuk sebuah blog post. Dan terlalu ringkas untuk sebuah perjalanan hidup. Baru masuk bulan kelima, namun rasanya sudah terlampau jauh berjeda. J. E. D. A. Semua orang tahu, dunia sedang berjuang dengan pandemi. Kita yang telah terbiasa memangkas jarak, kini wajib membiasakan diri untuk menjaga jarak. Sejauh mungkin. Selama mungkin. Bagiku yang selama ini merasa tak ada masalah apa-apa dengan kehadiran yang lainnya, ini agak menyesakkan. Dari sini aku menyadari beberapa hal: Waktu dan kesempatan bukanlah hal main-main yang diberikan Tuhan untuk kita. Kita kerap mengabaikan kesempatan. Kesempatan menemui mereka yang ingin bertemu. Kesempatan berbagi tawa. Kesempatan bertanya: kamu baik-baik saja? Kesempatan menghargai mereka yang telah menghargaimu jauh sebelum kamu tahu. Kesempatan membagi pelukan, secara langsung. Kesempatan menyeka air mata, sec...

(This is my first impression about Educated that I chose to write in English. On the last part of this post, I will talk about my next impression that wrote in Indonesian. So, here we go:)  Life might be hard, and some of them could be derived from what we might call it: privilege. Thus, can comes in several forms, as our parents (socio-economical's status to any other identities that involved) until what comes to us as chances and self-will. Tara Westover tells us through her "Educated" book how she struggled to reach education while she did not even have any chance. By chance, I mean, her father is a hardliner religious believer and also a govt apathetic that drives his children's life pathways. He was about to plot their life which, unfortunately, made bad decisions for his children. For me, it's easier to imagine Tara's life as an anti-vaxxer daughter. Her dad never sends Tara and her brothers to school because for him, going to school means send you...

Berburu bacaan fiksi yang bagus (menurut selera kita masing-masing) memang rada tricky, ya . Aku sendiri berada di posisi yang sebetulnya ga punya banyak waktu buat baca buku.  Karena itu, aku mengupayakan baca buku yang "digestible" dan yang dirasa butuh aja biar ga buang-buang waktu. Jadi sebelom memutuskan beli buku, aku mengusahakan cari tau sebanyak mungkin dari review di Goodreads . Persoalan review ini bisa jadi tricky juga, sih. Tapi karena aku udah punya semacam boundary untuk menentukan mana penulis yang betul-betul bisa aku nikmati bukunya dan mana yang engga, ini bisa menghindarkanku dari rekomendasi yang "gak perlu".   Trus gimana kalo penulis baru? Aku minta review dari temen yang satu frekuensi. Hehe. :)) Dulu jaman blom kerja, aku berusaha nyempetin baca buku di sela-sela segala hal. Apakah efektif? Engga. :))  Karena seringnya jadi keteteran ngerjain hal lain. Yaaahhh, tau kan ya ibu rumah tangga ada aja yang harus dikerjain walau ga ngerj...

Picture of my own, from my IG story It’s been a while since my latest post. So what I've been up to? Well… I’ve spent half of the year applying for a job while I still did house chores like…yeah, you named it. But I kept myself read books—a printed ones—whatever I’ve been busy into, because…that thing keep me sane, for anybody’s sake. Now I found that I’ve been away from my blog. I wasn’t update the blog with…anything. Literary anything for almost three fvckin months. Pfftt. (Sounds like I’m as busy as any corporate slaves out there. *waving to all HRDs*) Since then, I’ve read some books and they are fictions. Some of them are: Khutbah Di atas Bukit. Belajar Mencintai Kambing. Bakat Menggonggong. Bagaimana Tuhan Menciptakan Cahaya. 24 Jam Bersama Gaspar. Lelaki Harimau. (Do you realize that all of them were written by male authors? I’m gonna talk about this…someday. About why I feel so into them recently.) This time, I want to review Lelaki...

Aku terbangun pagi ini dengan rasa yang kosong. Suwung. Seperti berada di kehidupan yang lain. "Aku" yang lain. Tak apa. Kita pasti baik-baik saja.[]

I fell blessed surrounded by amazing girls. The most amazing days started when I was in college. It was fun, thrilled, whatever you named about it and memorable. To look back on today, really, I truly missed them much. It is not because we chose to apart. And by apart, yes, we have separated miles away but no, it is not about we pulled ourself away. Well, I hope so. This post aims to praise them as my cool, beautiful, smart, witty and that-is-the-way-they-are friends because, hell, I am fucking missed you, girls! When you are read this and you feel that it is YOU I am writing about, yeah, you know that it is you! Do you remember when we spent a cold night until the dawn breaking somewhere in Kaliurang? Or when we spent our spare times during class in the library, canteen or sat under the tree and sometimes compared ourself with the French buddies? Do you remember when we spent the whole night during Ramadhan finishing our paper since breakfasting time until almost morn...