Gravity Hangover

I don't know how to recover from the hangover caused by our last conversation. I feel like an astronaut who is just back to earth: fighting with gravity.

My legs told me to stand up straight but my brain was confused and gave all my weight to the ground. I always choose to fall.

I know I don't have wings, but I know I've been flying. I know that I had to step on the ground, but I just can't.

We could laugh over ice cream then cry over a birthday cake.

Have I ever told you that one day, I couldn't recall how I left that place? I've been trying to remember but I failed. It's weird because it's been with me for almost five years long. I knew it by heart.

When you could share your trauma without crying is considered a part of healing, can I call myself healed when I literary forgot how the trauma hit me? If the answer is yes, then why sometimes do I still see myself unworthy? Why do I still have those anxieties?

I have so many anxieties. I feel anxious whenever I think about my life.

Can I survive?

Am I be able to survive if the storm came to me again?

How can I manage to survive again if I don't even think I fully live my life?

I never understand how it feels to be a God's favorite like you. Would you tell me how it feels when you received so many beautiful prayers and wishes from a lot of people who love you? How is it feels like to have a huge heart so that all the love in this world could fit in yours?

Don't you realize that you are loved?

Don't you realize that even your every single breath are blessed?

But still, I don't know how to recover from the hangover caused by our last conversation. Because it was just me, who played hide and seek. Alone.[]

12th Sept 2021