사랑해요

I let you came into my life recently. It wasn't planned. I never had a plan to met someone like you.

But I gave you some space inside. I welcome you and you stayed respectfully.

I let you to tell your story. Your life, your struggle, the way you coped with those... everything. I was touched with the way you survive back then.

It is the beautiful story of yours that cherished me and feels so empowering. I feel encouraged.

But then you suddenly quiet. You want to hear my story. I said: no. I love to hear yours and yours only.

You said: what's the point of loving my story if you can't embrace yours? What's the point spend your time listening to me carefully if you don't even want listen to yourself alone? You already know my story, it is indeed painfully terrifying but I made it. I know you still have some issues. I'm here all ears.

I don't think I need to share mine because I don't need people to feel empathetic towards me. But you said it wasn't the problem.

You said, you've been hiding those and that's not the way it would solves itself, you know it. Let me help you. I've been there and I don't want anyone going through that alone, like me.

So, here I go.

You know what, honey? I once cared about everything, you won't understand. I've been through all my pain alone, even though I had someone besides me. I've spent my days and nights with anxiety and I tried to bury them with laughs and smiles. Pretend everything is okay. Pretend I was fine and good.

Some people asked me to be strong. To survive. To stay. Have they even aware that I didn't barely breathe the same way again?

I built walls then, honey. I covered myself with high fences and walls that I fully realized there's no door nor windows for anyone. I forgot how warm is the sun in the morning, how good is the weather sometime in June, how to enjoy the full moon. Now I learn to let it go.

I choose the road less travelled--no one even cares much to choose this path. But do you know how much I loved this thing before, honey?

My life has changed--not try to say it was totally broken. I feel worried about my life in the future. I worry about how life might throw me something worse than this and I want to end my life. But you know I might be fighting back because that is how I've been doing.

The one who hurt me the most might wondered: why did I change so much. Hey, that is how I mirror your attitude. Not even close to how deep I hurt inside. You don't have the right to even mad at me because that is the way you treat me.

I still have to endure this pain, let alone fighting the urge to escape once in a while. There's no way to going back. Show me the time machine if you want me to change.

감사합니다

Thank you just for existing. Thank you for convincing me to finish my issues. I wish I could hug you right now.

I won't ask for more than this. You are enough for me. More than enough. Just stay still. Stay there where you are. You are loveable just as you are.

Sometimes, I wish we were met a little earlier. I wish we were not what we are now, but two people who truly recognize each other better. Closer.[]