:: muara senandika ::

I just stared at my screen for quite so long and decided to wrote about this. I had those years. We had those years. I know we might be leaving our dreams behind to faced our new responsibilities. We might completely forget about it. I know we might want something else, want to be somewhere else. Even at the end of the day we finally grew apart. You chase yours, while I was busy dedicating my whole day to the kids and family matters. I didn't be able to chase mine. Let alone you encouraged me to be on the same page with you. I crawled from my dark place to reach somewhere I belong. To regained my time again, to own my room again, to build my dreams from scratch again. And, here I am. It was not easy for me because sometimes I felt you don't think I deserve those. We left the trigger for some journeys and exchanged it for something hard and unpredictable. But you know what? We did it. This is something I quite proud of us back then. 😊 Remember when we didn't have money just...

I wrote this in just one sit. I promise I stopped wherever I finish. So here I go. I have a lot to tell since the last time I posted. I’ve lost my father due to Covid. It’s my biggest loss this year. I never imagined I would lose him in such way. He is not my favorite person, but (believe me) losing someone who we get used to in his presence is still painful. He is my son's favorite person. I had a hard time to tell my son. And the time I told him, he cried the loudest. He said he still wants to play with Akung (this is the way they called my father). I don’t have a lot of his picture on my phone because accidentally my phone is just broken days before we infected Covid. I only have a few of them from other phones. Both losing him and remembering his presence is my soft spot right now. I could cry a river the second his face pop out in my head There’s a lot to heal.[]